I used to host a radio program for senior citizens. I became interested in the welfare of our senior citizens later on and became a social worker, and have spent 20 years working with the elderly. Nowadays, people come up to me and ask how it’s possible for them to age gracefully. By aging gracefully they usually mean that they want the following: financial security, soundness of body and mind, some form of distraction or amusement, and friends to share the joys of everyday life.
       Aging, however, is not an easy affair at all. The four hardships of old age, it is said, are disease, poverty, loss of purpose, loneliness, and exclusion. It is difficult to even imagine suffering from these hardships when one is young. The long journey of aging starts with acknowledging such difficulties and making peace with them. Hardships and pain await us on the way. At the same time we are enlightened to the joys and pleasures of old age that we were unaware of in our youth. Finding these joys and pleasures are the key to aging gracefully. The following books provide invaluable guidance towards that path.
 

Park Wansuh: The Loneliness of You; Sympathy for Bok-hee

Aging brings many changes in our selves and in our hearts. Our relationships with family and friends also change. Park Wansuh’s fiction is as good an any scholarly tome on the subject. Her work is even more realistic than real life, as she herself is in her 70s. Her works are not comparable with the works of younger writers who are not able to draw on the same kind of experience.

One of the stories in the collection The Loneliness of You, “Dried Flowers,” depicts the romance and parting of an elegant woman in her 60s and a dashing older gentleman. The story shows that old age has nothing to do with falling in love or the pangs of drifting apart. “For Longing,” one of the stories in Sympathy for Bok-hee, tells of an old lady who settles down in Saryang Island with a soul mate she has found late in life. “Candlelit Table” is the story of an old couple that live where they can see the window of their son’s house but cannot visit him as they please. Their son and his family, in turn, live with their lights turned off so they can pretend they are not at home. The stark reality that parents and children today are reluctant to admit is exposed for all to see. The story is unsettling, more truthful than real life.

The stories on old age and the daily lives of the elderly are richer in detail than any textbook on welfare for the elderly. Experience, it seems, is superior to mere information in this case. The lives of the seniors in these stories help one imagine what life may be like later on.

1. Sympathy for Bok-hee
Park Wansuh, Moonji Publishing Co., Ltd.
2007, 302p, ISBN 9788932018140

2. The Loneliness of You
Park Wansuh, Changbi Publishers, Inc.
1998, 303p, ISBN 893643652x

Kim Yol-kyu: De Senectute
The author is a former university professor. At the age of 60 he goes back to his hometown and takes up farming. He drinks tea, listens to music, and writes. His retirement is as enviable as one might wish for. The author does not brag about the peaceful life he enjoys, however. He writes, in an unaffected way, about the true meaning of old age and the hidden beauty and strength, and the joys and pleasures he has discovered.

Words like senile, infirm, decrepit, worn-out, feeble, and frail are not the most pleasant words one associates with old age. Words like ‘veteran,’ ‘weathered,’ ‘wise,’ ‘sage,’ ‘seasoned,’ and ‘mature,’ however, are more than welcome. The author thus gently points out that old age has its virtues. His positive attitude towards old age is apparent on every page.

Most of the time when we think of old age we think of numbers, of the ever-growing aging population, of the increasing burden of health care and welfare costs. The picture the author paints of the golden years, however, with his gentle allusions to art and literature, puts this view to shame. Our default stance has been to think of the elderly as a problem. We think of senior citizens as a burden on younger generations. This is unfair. The elderly are just like us. They are simply older than we are.

 This book speaks of an active old age, a dignified old age, an old age beyond loneliness that causes the reader to think about his or her present life. The author’s advice based on his own experiences at the ripe old age of 70 pushing 80 is more practical than any self-help book. He shows that old age and retirement can be as enjoyable as any stage of life.

De Senectute
Kim Yol-kyu, Viabook
2009, 240p, ISBN 9788993642063

Kang Full: I Love Thee

I laughed and cried over this comic book. It was more useful than any of my difficult gerontology textbooks. The heroes and heroines of this book are stooped and wrinkly. They have liver spots, are hard of hearing, and their eyesight is not what it used to be. They are poor, and sometimes senile. They are, however, very much alive. They are not stopped in time. They breathe, move, work, drink coffee, and love. They look after one another, have friends, cry, and laugh. They disagree and shout at each other. They share each other’s sorrows and pain. They are living, active people. In other words, they are the same as us.

 The stories they tell of their past are poignant, sometimes painful. Their present, however, is even more so. These are seniors who must work for their daily bread. They work not for some noble sense of fulfillment, but for their very survival. One old man yells every day. The reason turns out not to be because of a sour disposition, but because of poor hearing. Another old man is overwhelmed by the daily struggle of caring for his senile wife. Still he battles on, determined not to be a burden to his children. These are the same kind of stories that I hear every day working with the elderly.

 The author’s powers of observation are such that the characters seem to step out in real life. Some are driven to suicide. Reading about these characters is an experience impossible to define in a few words. It is heartbreaking to imagine the depth of despair that must lie behind those decisions. One feels the unrelenting harshness of society. It is impossible to age well on one’s own. Social protection is needed to guarantee at least the most basic needs of life. That is why we work so hard when we are young.

I Love Thee 1, 2, 3
Kang Full, Munhak Segye-sa
2007, 262p
ISBN 9788970754123

Lee Joung Ok: Letting Half Go: The Way to Happiness

For 20 years I worked at a magazine. I have never married. I retired a decade earlier than most people and went to live in the country. I had planned beforehand and invested my assets wisely, so I was able to move into an exclusive retirement home.

The author’s prose is sparse and concise, as befits a former reporter. Some call it staccato. She is evidently not the type to wear her heart on her sleeve. She takes good care of herself. Her descriptions of her housemates at the home are candid. She is equally vocal about the problems that she believes could be improved upon. Death is also dealt with matter-of-factly, illustrated by real-life examples. The author calls for increased awareness, matched by institutional reform.

The seniors at the retirement home are all different. Their histories are unique. It is not easy for them to live together. Tiffs and quarrels are common. Moreover, the members of the home are there by choice, not by charity. They paid out of their own pockets to live there. If the service bothers them they make their voices heard; their demands are many, their standards high.

 These are the people who are living in a shared space. Because they live a communal life, privacy is impossible. Secrets are accidentally spilled. Difficult situations are inevitable. The author does not side with the elderly unconditionally. She does not use old age as an excuse for everything. She merely describes what she sees, and what she sees as the key challenges to keep in mind when planning one’s retirement. First, one makes a plan. Then one puts the plan to practice. One then enjoys a satisfactory, independent old age. That peace and satisfaction, however, is too often shattered by the violence of institutions. Still, the writer is never defeated. She draws upon experience and accepts her place in life. And she aspires to attain true maturity within that space. Out with the wrong, she says. Her calls for reform are strong. Truly this is a lesson well-learned from a person wiser in the ways of life.

Letting Half Go: The Way to Happiness
Lee Joung Ok, DongA-Ilbo
2009, 384p, ISBN 9788970907024

Friends of the Elderly: Aging as a Path of Life

A group of people from teenagers and octogenarians are asked: What does aging mean to you? What are old people to you? And, What kind of old age do you dream of? Their answers are as varied as their stations in life. Each age group has something different to say about aging. The book is aptly subtitled, ‘Eight points of view on aging and old age.’

 The spokespersons for each age group were not chosen by any statistical basis or scientific criteria. They are members of a gerontology study group. Their answers are those of ordinary, unpretentious people. Each age group has different ideas and feelings about aging. Of course, that is to be expected. This book offers a glimpse into how people of all ages think and feel about aging and old age. The responses of people in their 60s, 70s, and 80s are particularly insightful as to what aging gracefully means.

The sexagenarian confesses that he has finally learned how to enjoy life. Some people insist that the 60s don’t really count as ‘old,’ but others accept their age with good grace. They say that living until 60 has finally given them some perspective on life. Speaking for people in their 70s, Professor Chung Chin-hong, a religious scholar, says he thought he would have become a saint by the time he reached the seventh decade of his life. He writes that when he became 70, however, he was still very much a mortal man, and not necessarily a better one. I beg to differ, however, as I think it may just be possible to become a saint at 70. One might become a greedy old miser, depending on how one lived before turning 70. However, surely one could make it up even after 70 if one tried. I like to think that at least that possibility is open. The octogenarian says that he finally feels grown up. Looking back on the twists and turns of his life, he reflects that “aging is the process of growing up.” Reading his words, I feel repentant for acting as if I had seen everything and knew everything. I may have lived for 50 years, but in front of an 80-year-old I am still young and learning. I would have to be at least 80 if I want to attain some sense of humility and kindness. To age gracefully is to grow up in the true sense of the word. Even today I ponder how I must go about doing so.

Aging as a Path of Life
Friends of the Elderly, Kungree Press
2009, 246p, ISBN 9788958201663